Being Unapologetically Yourself

Finding Freedom in Unapologetic Authenticity

Comparison is natural. We all have idols whom we pine after and try to emulate, but I've learned an important lesson recently: it's those who are unapologetically themselves that are the true models.

I wrote about loving thyself in a previous post, so this is the sequel no one asked for. I believe the first step is to love yourself internally. The next step is to be unapologetically yourself externally - something I'm personally working on.

Problem: Finding Yourself Is Hard

The identity of self is a uniquely human thing. We are aware of our own existence and question its larger meaning. That's why religion and structures exist as a way for us to explain the unexplainable. It's why this topic is so hard to unpack and why it's deeply personal. Much like your religious or political beliefs, it is your experiences, environment, or genetics that shape the person you are and the values you have. So how do you find your true self?

No, it does not require a soul-searching trip or taking psychedelics - although that may have worked for some. Instead, it's an internal feeling when you are doing the things you want irrespective of external pressure. It's a similar point I brought up in one of my first posts about career and college:

Career != Success - if you care more about where someone works or look at them differently because of their professional accomplishments, that says more about you than them. I know some NPCs working at notable firms and some straight geniuses who work at companies you've never heard of. Do what is best for you and no one else.

I'll reiterate this again: do what is best for you and no one else. You'll know when you've found yourself and are doing the things you genuinely want. Keep chasing it until you've found it. Now, why is it so hard? I have two theories:

Theory #1: Too Much Data

Think back to a time pre-Internet, pre-Media, and even pre-civilization. The only social data you were able to gather was anecdotal or what you observed. Compare that to the society we have now. I can look at someone's career prestige on LinkedIn, physical attractiveness on Hinge, or fitness on Strava. If you have this much data, why wouldn't you be constantly benchmarking yourself? Not listening to the noise is hard but is necessary if you are going to be yourself unapologetically.

Theory #2: Going Against the Grain Is Hard

Even if you know what your true self wants, pursuing it is hard because of the societal image that has been engrained in all of our heads. Excellent Sheep talks about the herd mentality from a career/college perspective, but the lessons apply at large. Breaking away is hard, but there is one simple mentality shift that can help.

Solution: Don't Give an F

Last year, I picked up the book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***, and to say it changed my perspective on things is to put it lightly. While I may not agree with all of the lessons from the book, Mark Manson's point at its core is something I've adopted myself. You have a limited number of f's to give in life - choose them wisely.

Worrying about how I'm perceived by others or what I should be doing, I have now realized, is not worth my time. Instead, I'd rather focus my f's on things I care about. The rest is irrelevant. I know what many of you are thinking about the things you may lose if you become your unapologetic self. Here's my response to that:

If you are worried about losing friends - those aren't friends you want.

If you are worried about losing money - you value material over happiness.

If you are worried about how others will feel about you - there's the problem in itself.

I can't tell you what to give an F about, but what I can tell you is to listen to your gut and make the best decisions for yourself and no one else.

Looking Ahead: It's Never Too Late for Now

For those who have seen 30 Rock, they will understand the reference of this section, but I wanted to conclude by saying it's never too late to be unapologetically yourself. I saw this on LinkedIn (yes, I still scroll on there), but I think it perfectly describes the future. The possibilities are endless, so choose the path that is best for you:

Conclusion: A Personal Reflection

Unlike other posts, I wrote this in one take, so if there are grammatical or logical errors here, that's why. The reason I was able to construct this so quickly is due to the fact that this has been on my mind for a few months now. I have been questioning a lot of assumptions and past behaviors. I feel like I'm finally starting to be my unapologetic self, and I don't intend on going back.

Onwards!