Love Thyself

Become a “happy genius” and love yourself

Memories are odd. I can forget things I did five minutes ago but can distinctly remember the interior of a random friend’s Subaru from 2009. Recently, a vivid memory from high school reappeared in my head.

It was the spring semester of my senior year in high school, and my AP Literature class was on a poetry unit. As my class sat in a circle of desks, we'd spend time reading poems out loud while taking turns providing analysis. As we went through our Norton Anthology book, we came across the poem "Danse Russe" by William Carlos Williams:

If I when my wife is sleeping

and the baby and Kathleen

are sleeping

and the sun is a flame-white disc

in silken mists

above shining trees,—

if I in my north room

dance naked, grotesquely

before my mirror

waving my shirt round my head

and singing softly to myself:

“I am lonely, lonely.

I was born to be lonely,

I am best so!”

If I admire my arms, my face,

my shoulders, flanks, buttocks

against the yellow drawn shades,—

Who shall say I am not

the happy genius of my household?

After reading the poem as a class, the lasting image was of a naked man flailing his body in front of the mirror. We laughed, some jokes were cracked, but the depth of this poem went over my head. Five years later, this memory appeared in my head. I began to reexamine this poem and then the meaning finally clicked; it was about self-love. My next thought was – why should I care about this?

Who we spend our time with & why it changes

A few months ago, Otavio's Odyssey shared a graphic about how your time is spent per day as you age:

What is the only category that goes up as you age? Your time alone. After rediscovering “Dance Russe” & seeing this it clicked. If we are happy alone and we are spending more time alone then we are happier.

Now, this isn't true for everyone; extroverts may spend a larger share with friends/family vs introverts. Overall, the reasoning behind this boils down to the lack of natural touchpoints as we age is where your interaction really decreases. Think of a college campus. Unless you are actively avoiding others, it's extremely difficult to be on campus or in the dorms and avoid peer interaction. Many things are nearby, and it makes it easier to have organic hangouts. Even looking at other categories, you spend less time with family as you have likely moved out thus reducing the frequency of family interaction.

This is not to say your life is over once you don't have those touchpoints; however, it requires intentionality and patience. Personally, I found it frustrating to go from a ton of social interaction to relatively little during post-grad life. That being said, changing your behavior and shifting your mindset has yielded some good results for me in my pursuit to become a "happy genius."

What does it mean to be a "happy genius"?

Everyone comes into the world alone and leaves it alone. I don't mean to be depressing, but the facts are facts – we spend increasingly more time alone. I'm not going to go full AP Literature and analyze what "happy genius" means in a literary context. Instead, I wanted to put my own spin on the definition:

Happy Genius – someone who knows the importance of and enjoys spending time alone.

Let's unpack this first from the "happy" side. Happiness itself is subjective; however, I'd further define it as not wanting to change anything that is currently happening and can be realistically changed. If I asked you to name things you wanted to change in your current life, I'm sure you could give me a comprehensive list, but that's why there is the caveat of realism within this definition. Ideally, I'd like to be 6'6" and posterizing people in the NBA, but unfortunately, that is not realistic. On the contrary, if I'm unhappy with where I'm living, I could change that. It might be a matter of time and logistics, but it's possible. Happiness is realistic contentment with the present.

Next, "genius." This goes into the importance factor of the definition. It's those who know that happiness comes from within and make time to be happy alone. It's somewhat of an early adopter phenomenon where you see the trends ahead and change your behavior to be ready for those changes. My interpretation of the subject of this poem is that he knows being happy by and within yourself is imperative, and thus makes the intentional effort to do so.

That's why the ultimate goal here is to become a "happy genius." Safe to say, I have a long way to go in my own development here.

A long and imperfect journey

Often times, you write about things you wish to exhibit within yourself, and I'm no exception. For a while, this is something I neglected given the amount of time we spent apart during the pandemic. We were all shown the importance of interaction and togetherness, but an overcorrection may have come into place. Instead, speaking from personal experience, I'm scared to spend time alone because it reminds me of isolation during the pandemic. That being said, the true answer lies in finding a balance between spending time with others and spending time alone. The path toward self-love is a daunting and lonely journey, but I wanted to spend some time talking about what I’m doing in this pursuit:

Affirmations ≠ Self-Love – How often have you lied to yourself? This is why I believe affirmations only work if you actually internalize them, then you can start changing the messaging you have around yourself.

Spend time alone – I began doing the simplest things alone, such as going to the movies, eating out, and playing basketball. I can't say I'm comfortable yet, but each time I do it, the challenge becomes less daunting.

This is by no means the end of the journey; however, I plan to continue the pursuit of becoming a "happy genius." I wanted to end with a quote from street-poet J. Cole, which summarizes the lasting sentiment of this post:

"No such thing as a life that's better than yours

No such thing as a life that's better than yours (love yours)"

Love thyself and love yours. Cheers 'til next time!